As I look back over my life I feel blessed to have had people who loved me. I don’t think there has been an occasion in my life where I felt so alone that I couldn’t lift the phone and reach out to someone, whether I wanted to or not.

However, when it came to friendships I always felt like I was on the fringes, on the margins. I had friends, it’s not that I was disliked (I think), but I often felt like I was on the outside looking in on so many friendships. I used to be jealous and desired to be the person at the centre, the person who everyone contacted, the core friend.

As I’ve grown up that feeling in many ways has never changed but I’ve understood more about that feeling.

Ultimately, this feeling is a lie, an illusion of the enemy.

As I’ve been involved in ministry I’ve talked to many people who over the years have felt relationally disconnected. Everyone has a different story of course but ultimately what people were often communicating to me was that they, like me, often felt on the outside of relationships looking in and that they desperately wanted that core connection, to be best friends with someone .

So I started to wonder. “if everyone I talk to feels on the outside of relationships then who are the people at the centre?”

I have now concluded that the answer is no one.

I am yet to find a person who feels like they are on the inside looking out. I am yet to find someone who feels like the popular, core, loved best friend. Even the people I thought were those people in my life never felt like that, they felt similar to me. The realisation of this was crazy to me.

I believe the enemy has sown this lie in each of us. His tactic has always been isolation because if he can isolate then we are more likely to believe the lie. If we all believe we are the only one who feels disconnected then we all will remain so. However, he has a bigger agenda than that.

This lie we have believed in our earthly friendships is what we have transferred into our relationship with Jesus. It has informed our connection with him. Just like with earthly friendships, we all seem to carry this deep belief that we are on the outside looking in when it comes to God. We watch other people and believe that they have something special that we don’t, that God speaks to them in a way that He doesn’t speak to us. We conclude that there is something wrong with us and so we pull back, shy away, or lean into religion in a hope to convince God to love us more.

We believe that we are living in lack

This of course is the same root of the lie that he spoke to Adam and Eve in the garden. The enemy convinced Adam and Eve that God was holding something back from them and they needed to do something about it. As we know they chose to partner with that thought and it was that which brought about their disconnection from Him.

Let’s not believe the lie. Jesus brings us into connection with the Father and the Holy Spirit brings us into connection with Jesus. Jesus didn’t die for those at the imaginary centre. He died for those who feel on the margins, those who feel far away. He died for all for us. God desires to love us like a best friend, like a Father.

This is the deepest truth that will overpower the greatest lie.