I remember the first time I walked into a church where I saw people worshipping Jesus in what I would have called a ‘more energetic way’. In fact I remember many different occasions where I saw different types of worship which were brand new to me.

I’ll be honest….I rarely reacted well!!

The first time I ever heard more modern worship music I judged anyone who sang in ‘harmony’ as a show off. I nervously watched people who sang with that screwed up face and their eyes closed. I wondered if they were feeling something I wasn’t. At one festival type arena I ran out crying as I watched people raise their hands and shout out to God. I convinced myself that these people had been sucked into something. I’d never seen anything like it before and my only conclusion was that they had been duped!

While I still wanted to follow Jesus I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to follow Jesus in that way.

Today, 25 years or so from those early experiences, I realise that I am one of those ‘weird energetic’ people. I am now the one jumping, shouting, raising my hands, and even HARMONISING!!!! Full confession – a couple of months ago I held a flag aloft in church…………I’ll leave that there.

So, want happened in the in-between I hear you ask?

Thankfully, I just got closer to God.

Let me explain. I don’t think that the goal of following Jesus is to raise your hands, a flag, or to whoop, scream or dance at the front of the worship service. If that was all it was about we could all fast track this discipleship stuff pretty easily. The goal is getting to know Him, building a growing relationship with Him where we are “after His heart” to borrow God’s description of King David.

To do this requires proximity.

I recently read a pastor who wrote this about following God. “Some things look extreme and foolish from a distance. Some things can only be understood from within.”

It was one of those quotes that force you to pause and reflect. Think about this in a non-spiritual setting. Over Christmas one of the sports that we see on our TV’s here in the UK and Ireland is the darts. If you’ve never watched it you’d be forgiven for wondering what on earth is going on. It’s a sport that has grown in popularity to such an extent that the tickets are more expensive than a premier league football match. The atmosphere in the venues is often electric and the show around it all is full on. It all seems a bit bizarre…….

……until you get into it…..

By the time the final rolled round our whole family was hooked. We learned the terminology, we had chosen our favourite player, and we were shouting when the wins came and were in despair when the losses happened. We had entered into the world and it didn’t seem so strange when we were up close.

Often we are told that it is wisdom to watch something from afar. Whilst I can see some wisdom in that view we must be very careful that our ‘distant’ wisdom doesn’t morph into fear.

You see God is a God who comes close and invites us to come close. It’s not that He is incapable of working from a distance, it’s just that He doesn’t want to. Whilst we physically can’t outrun or escape God we can hold ourselves emotionally far away from Him. Remember, God will never force Himself on anyone – He loves us way too much to do that – so the desire to embrace the closeness must come from us. When we enter into that proximity, whether it happens in a public or private setting, something changes within us and that which never made sense before somehow does.

I am very thankful that I didn’t back off when it came to my early judgements of those energetic worshippers. Over time as I continued to return to those spaces I got to know the people who were jumping and raising their hands. They didn’t seem duped, tricked, and they certainly weren’t programmed robots. They were smart, switched on, and most of all – they were alive. Because I trusted them I was able to venture further with this God who wanted to be close to us. I am so glad I did.

By moving closer to Him I have grown in understanding of something that would have remained a mystery from a distance.

I have always promised God that I will be honest with Him in my worship and I hope I’ve been true to that. What I mean by that is that I won’t pretend. There have been many times when I don’t ‘feel like’ worshipping. There have been times when the words I have sung about God don’t reflect my current state of mind or heart. In those moments I am honest – “God, I am struggling to sing these words today because it doesn’t ‘feel’ like they are true. I feel sad, disappointed and sore, but I realise that worship is not about my feelings but your goodness….so I’m going to sing these words at the top of my lungs as a declaration of faith!!”

Maybe you are like me and there is a lot that doesn’t make sense about faith and following Jesus. Withstanding all of that however you still know that there is something drawing you closer. All I can encourage you to do is to move in, talk to those you are judging (just like I did). I can’t promise you that they are all genuine (I wish you could) but you will find some incredible people who love Him deeply and I pray that the same will happen to you.

“Some things look extreme and foolish from a distance. Some things can only be understood from within.”