The process of forgiving someone has always been challenging for the human race throughout the generations. We are no different today. From our youngest age we struggle with the injustice of wrong being done to us.

So we learn how to react to it. In fact we don’t really learn, we just seem to have an automatic response.

If we are being honest it feels like the most natural reaction to hold on to that hurt and, usually, direct it towards the one who hurt us. Whether it’s a toy snatched off us in our younger years, a friend who spread news we promised them to keep to themselves at school, a colleague who took credit for our work or the other thousand ways we have felt wronged, our deepest most natural desire is that the person must pay for their wrong.

So we often punish them in many different ways.

Sometimes we do it outwardly in a physical or emotional sense, more often when we were younger, but we nearly always do it inwardly in our thoughts regardless of what age we are. We make vows of how we’ll never trust them again, we fantasise about what we’re gonna say when we next see them, or what we’d like to see them fail at.

Being honest, forgiveness is far from our mind in these moments.

To be a little more fair to us, depending on the situation and the perpetrators response to it, forgiveness can creep in. Perhaps we received a heartfelt apology, which can go a long way and with some time many of us can restore the relationship again. Or sometimes even without an apology the seriousness of the situation fades over time and everything falls back together again. The reality is that every true friendship, family, or marriage which has stood the test of time will have had to exercise forgiveness at some point or another.

However, we will also know that there are many stories of unforgiveness that litter relationships across our world. I’ve heard countless stories of friends, colleagues, families, husbands and wives, sons and daughters who still hold onto the hurt of a situation that happened years ago. Some of the situations were trivial looking back but of course some were very serious; theft, abuse, even murder. In those moments unforgiveness, which felt difficult enough with a less serious matter, now seems impossible. Not only does it seem impossible but it actually can feel righteous, especially when the wrong is of a very serious nature.

So, what more do I have to say about the topic of unforgiveness. We all know that deep down we should forgive – what else can we add to the discussion?

Let me try

I want to talk about unforgiveness in the context of the verses I’ve included below. These verses are from Paul, an early church pioneer, writing to a church he had established in Corinth. In this section he is writing to them about a specific member of the community who has been acting immorally. While we don’t know for sure what the offender did many scholars presume that it was a case of sexual immorality, perhaps with a family member. The community have dealt with the person in question and Paul is telling them that while he is also grieved by their actions it was time to forgive and comfort them. Something that could have been hard for them to hear. Paul then goes on to say this;

Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2 Cor 2:10-11

The last part of these verses really grabbed me. I’ve read teaching from Jesus on unforgiveness, I know that it is something that doesn’t come from God, but something happened in my head and heart when I see Paul taking about it as a scheme of the enemy.

Paul is suggesting that the enemy is seeking to outwit us through his plan of unforgiveness.

The enemy clearly knows the power of that emotion.

You see when we do not forgive someone, regardless of how bad their conduct was, regardless of whether they apologised or not, regardless of how much they hurt us, we enter into a place that never ends well. When unforgiveness is the soil we see bitterness, anger, revenge, gossip, and in some cases even violence produced as the fruit. How many times have we personally experienced someone who is holding onto the hurt of the pain of their past? How often does that person look healthy? How free do they look? I’m not condemning anyone here, I’m simply making the point that bitterness, anger, revenge, gossip, and all of their friends don’t look great on us.

Of course, if these are the fruit they guess what fruit we aren’t producing? Love, joy, peace, patience…..

The enemy’s scheme is to get us to partner with unforgiveness so we can’t partner with God. So, he uses the wrong that we experience to trap us in his scheme of unforgiveness, consuming the hearts of the hurt.

It makes sense to me that the enemy would use unforgiveness to trap us. Why does it make sense? Because what is at the core of our relationship with Jesus?

Forgiveness, grace, and mercy

It was through the power of these ‘fruits’ that we were reconciled with God through the death of Jesus so the enemy, deceived as he is, probably believes if he could sow these back into our lives that he could reverse the effects of Jesus’ death and resurrection. Now, we know that he can’t undo that which God designed, but he can have a right go at trying to prevent us carrying out our Kingdom assignment. Unforgiveness is his tool.

How does that make us think about unforgiveness?

It changes it for me. I know it probably shouldn’t. I should have already been convinced by Christ’s sacrifice to know my need to forgive others but there’s this competitive part of me that refuses to let the enemy master any part of who I am. So, when I think of unforgiveness now I don’t just think; this is what Christ has called me to do, but I also get my fight on and refuse to get sucked in and outwitted by the enemies schemes.

As we always say when we talk on this topic, forgiveness doesn’t mean we can forget the wrong we experienced – only God can forget, we cannot, especially when it’s been a very strong emotion. Every situation is different but it doesn’t necessarily mean we should allow those who seriously harmed us access to our lives again. We can still forgive without even talking to that person again.

Unforgiveness is not necessarily an external thing but it is always an internal one. I once heard a pastor describe forgiveness described as redemptive remembering. It’s looking back on a situation that was wrong and seeing where Gods hand was, how He redeemed the wrong, and how He delivered us. When we do that we begin to view it from His perspective. It doesn’t mean that what happened was His will, it doesn’t mean it was good, or that we are glad it happened, but it does allow us to view it differently.

To use a phrase Paul often would, I want to ‘urge’ each of us not to be outwitted by the enemy when it comes to unforgiveness. No matter the hurt, the pain, the injustice we’ve experienced let’s give it to God and ask for His help to forgive. Let’s live as people who are alert to the enemies schemes and who are knowledgeable about God’s plan.