I’ve written a lot over the past year about disagreement, partly because it’s been a huge part of my recent story, but also because I am seeing it everywhere. By everywhere I don’t just mean within the church, I mean everywhere.

I guess humankind has always had disagreements. We aren’t uniform, we were created with difference to represent the diversity of our creator, but instead of actually representing Him we’ve used our differences to batter each other into a version we prefer. Unfortunately ‘batter’ seems like the right word to use. In the days we live in disagreements have become so loud, so aggressive and so oppressive. Rarely is anyone listening to anyone else, rarely is anyone considering the complexity of the situations raised, instead we want a clear right and wrong, one condemned and the other commended.

I guess the longer I live the more I am realising that it is much less simple than this. Let me use a ‘tame’ example. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had an argument with your spouse, parent, sibling, friend (in fact I am pretty sure that you have!) If they look anything like the arguments I have with my wonderful wife they’ll look a bit like this.

In an evening one of us might be tired and the other one has something on their mind. Perhaps one of us has done something that has irked the other. Then one of us will say something in a tone that doesn’t sound normal. The other one reacts to that tone and says something that’s hard to hear. Then something that we forgot to mention from yesterday can come into the conversation which turns into a bigger conversation about another thing. Depending on how stubborn each of us wants to be this can continue for a while. Before we know it we both feel aggrieved, both feel right, but can’t for the life of us even unpick what started it, who’s actually right or wrong or why we even started the argument. Once reason catches up we realise that we’re both a bit off, both of us had good points, and both of us were a bit wrong. (at least that’s the goal!)

Sound familiar?

Now, that’s a fairly minor and insignificant ‘hypothetical’ moment but I use it to illustrate the complexity of disagreement. Even on high stakes issues everyone involved can feel they are right and the others are wrong and whilst there ‘might’ be a clear right and wrong at the foundation of is all, often the reality is there is a real mix of views. Rarely in these moments is there a voice who can speak reason and call out that wisdom. If there was it would save a lot of time.

Breathe – I know we are all imaging our last disagreement!

One person I have always respected in the gospels is a Pharisee named Gamaliel. I don’t know loads about him, and I haven’t studied him a lot but I do know that he was the apostle Paul’s rabbi and many think he was the grandson of Hillel the elder who was highly respected in Judaism. I respect former him comes from where we meet him in Acts 5.

The apostles are in Jerusalem after Jesus has gone back to the Father. They have received the Holy Spirit and signs and wonders are happening everywhere. The religious leaders don’t know what to do; they can’t deny what they are seeing and the people are with the apostles but the religious leaders don’t agree with their claims about Jesus. We hear that are debating what to do about the apostles with some suggesting that they should be put to death. Then this happens.

But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. Then he addressed the Sanhedrin: “Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” Acts 5:34-39

We are told that this persuaded the Jewish council and they let them go.

I love this.

We don’t know where Gamaliel stood when it came to Jesus. He may have secretly been a supporter or he may have been against Him. Either way, what I love about him was that he kept God at the centre of his decision and as we know the ‘fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.’

He is communicating that whether one or the other is right or wrong is not really the point. God is the point. He is letting them know that if these men are from God that they don’t want to be on the wrong side of them and if they aren’t it will ultimately come to nothing. In reality what he is saying is – “Lads, we don’t know if this is God or not but if it is we don’t want to be the ones who tried to stop it”

I wish we could all have this wisdom in the ‘grey.’ I wish in all our debates about churches, pastors, policies etc. that we would show grace, humility and mercy in our communication. We can still hold our opinions , I’m not advocating for a wishy washy, lukewarm stance, but we can hold them in keeping with the fruit of the spirit. That way if we are right, we’ve honoured others who disagree, and if we are wrong, we’ll have the humility to repent and again we will have honoured others in the middle of what we thought was right.

We will always disagree, let’s just agree to do it well.