Friendship is an interesting concept in our world today. The idea of having real living relationships with each other is something that we all long for. I feel for most of my life I have sought friendship connections; in primary school, secondary school, university, and now in my working adult life I’m not sure my desire for friendship has changed (although hopefully I am more mature about the whole thing).

However, it’s one of the things I have struggled with more than perhaps anything else. My guess/hope/prayer is that I am not the only one!!

There is a question that perhaps would have helped me on my friendship quest when I was younger. A question that is fairly hard to answer in fairness.

What is friendship?

The reality is that our answer to this question will differ. Some of us want that someone who we can chat to about anything, the person that is our first phone call, a person we see everyday. Others will want someone to have a laugh with, someone to go out with, someone to watch sport with. Others see friendship as something deeper than all that and regardless of the time we spent it’s more about knowing someone has our back. It’s not hard to see with all of these different definitions and expectations of friendship why we so often miss the mark when we embark on friendships with others.

Like any confusion I face on these things it is vital that we turn to the scriptures to see what it has to say.

One of the words that is translated into friendship in the Old Testament in the Scriptures is šālôm. As well as being used as the word friend, elsewhere in the OT it is also translated into the English words for peace and safety. Other ways to translate in the Hebrew dictionary are prosperity, well-being; intactness, wholeness; peace can have a focus of security, safety which can bring feelings of satisfaction, well-being, and contentment. There are other Hebrew words that are translated to friendship throughout the OT which can translate to brother, good council etc.

So to be clear, the biblical definition of friendship isn’t a mate you hang out with, watch a bit of footie and send funny texts to. It isn’t necessarily our first phone call or someone who is close geographically or not. It could be any of those things or course as well but the definition of being a friend scripturally is a sacrificial love that brings safety and confidence to another. A biblical friendship creates security and fosters wellbeing.

This explains why this week as I have been reading the stories of David and Jonathan from the Bible I was struck by this verse.

While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 1 Samuel 23:15-16

David and Jonathan’s friendship is not a simple one. Jonathan is the current King of Israel’s son and in human terms is the successor to the throne. David however is the man appointed by God to be the next King. Jonathan’s dad hasn’t taken well to this news and currently is on the rampage trying to kill David. There are lots of reasons why it would be in Jonathan’s interest for David to die but that is not a thought that seems to cross his head. Instead he seeks to help David and be a friend.

In the middle of David’s pain Jonathan comes to him and helps him find strength in God.

I LOVE THIS

If that isn’t the definition of being a person of peace, safety, safe council, security in a self sacrificing way then I don’t what is. Jonathan comes to David and reminds him what is true and right. He points him towards the only one that can comfort and care for David – God. Jonathan isn’t just trying to cheer him up and take his mind off things. He isn’t trying to give him his own wisdom or create a dependancy within David towards him. Jonathan doesn’t seem to have a self seeking bone in his body when it comes to his friendship with David. Jonathan has chosen to lay down his own power in order that David might fly.

This is the kind of friendship that we should seek but perhaps more importantly it’s the kind of friend that we should be. So often we are looking for that person rather than asking if we are that person for another. Are we we laying our lives down for our friends? Are we providing a place of safety and security for them or are we in fact creating stress and tension for them? Are we loading them with expectations and pressures to serve us?

I imagine we will continue to struggle with friendship until we learn what it truly means to be a friend and then put into action what the Bible calls us to. That’s not an easy journey, we have been taught to self seek for a long time but that doesn’t mean it is impossible.

We can do this – let’s be šālôm to each other as we move forward.