When I was younger I struggled a lot with insecurity. I was always looking to the left and right, weighing up whether other people were better or worse than me, and from that place coming to conclusions about whether I was valuable or not. It was a tiring existence. Living life from that place forced me to act and behave in ways that were not honouring or fitting of who God had called me to be. My desire to prove myself valuable meant that I did what I thought would make me valuable in others eyes.

Thankfully, as God has become more known to me that trait in me has reduced significantly. I’d love to say it was gone completely but there are still moments – I’m a work in progress!!!!

As I’ve been reading the Bible I came across a leader who was really struggling with insecurity. Here’s the backdrop.

The kingdom of Israel is in disarray. Solomon, the King who oversaw Israel’s most prosperous season, has been disobedient to the Lord. His disobedience has meant that the Kingdom was going to split in two. Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, would end up ruling Judah, the part of the kingdom which included Jerusalem and the surrounding areas, and a man called Jeroboam would be king over the other territories. I don’t think the fact that their names rhyme has anything to do with it!!

This shift would take some adjustments to the whole nation of Israel. Up until this point Jerusalem was the centre of worship. People would travel to Jerusalem to offer their sacrifices to God from all over the land. Jerusalem was the location of the temple and so this was something people would do at least once a year. When the country was united this wasn’t a problem but now that it was tearing apart how would it work? Would people from the ‘other side’ be expected to still come to Jerusalem? The thought was making the northern king, Jeroboam, nervous. This is what he said about his peoples practise of going to Jerusalem.

If these people go up to offer sacrifices at the temple of the LORD in Jerusalem, they will again give their allegiance to their lord, Rehoboam king of Judah. They will kill me and return to King Rehoboam.” 1 Kings 27

He is worried if the people from the areas he rules go into Rehoboams region, they will remember the splendour of Jerusalem, abandon him and join with Rehoboam.

Insecurity has entered the story.

As we read on we see that his insecurity drives him to find a solution to the problem, a pretty terrible solution. Let’s read it straight from the bible here.

After seeking advice, the king made two golden calves. He said to the people, “It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Here are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” One he set up in Bethel, and the other in Dan. And this thing became a sin; the people came to worship the one at Bethel and went as far as Dan to worship the other. Jeroboam built shrines on high places and appointed priests from all sorts of people, even though they were not Levites. He instituted a festival on the fifteenth day of the eighth month, like the festival held in Judah, and offered sacrifices on the altar. This he did in Bethel, sacrificing to the calves he had made. And at Bethel he also installed priests at the high places he had made. On the fifteenth day of the eighth month, a month of his own choosing, he offered sacrifices on the altar he had built at Bethel. So he instituted the festival for the Israelites and went up to the altar to make offerings. 1 Kings 12:28-33

It’s quite a story. Just to summarise how far off the mark he has gone here;

• He’s telling them these calves are the gods who brought them out of Egypt, not their one true God, Yahweh.
• He isn’t following the priesthood code and instead has put anyone in charge.
• He added a fake festival to mirror what happens in Jerusalem.
• He randomly chooses a month for the festival rather than a time that God has appointed.
• He tells people to sacrifice to these creations rather than to God

He is leading his people away from God!

It seems incredible to me that this all led from insecurity as a leader. Of course we see other examples throughout the Bible. Saul’s insecurity around David’s success led him to chase him all over the country trying to kill him. The Pharisees’ insecurity around Jesus led them to push for His crucifixion.

Why are we so afflicted by insecurity?

It comes from how deeply we seek security. We are programmed with the desire to know that we are loved and valued. That part is not wrong. Those of us who follow Jesus, who have chosen to set our lives in His hand, know that this security comes only from God. Truly understanding His love for us is the ultimate security, grasping that roots us forever. But this is a tricky thing to fully grasp.

Insecurity in our lives is a sign that we haven’t fully understood that truth yet.

Because of how deeply we desire that security we will, if we aren’t careful, do whatever it takes to find it. We will manipulate situations, garner praise from others, gossip about others etc. in order to seek the thing we long for. For leaders this desire is no different but the consequences corporately are incredibly dangerous as we can see in the story of Jeroboam. The enemy uses insecurity so often in our lives because he knows how prone we are to it. His assignment is often around our identity rather than any specific jobs we are carrying out for God. He knows if he can stop us at the start, the rest easily follows.

We all have work to do here, right?

Oh, that we would truly understand who God has created us to be.

Oh, that we would fully grasp that He is enough and that we don’t need to rely or strive for human praise.

Oh, that insecurity would not have a seat at the table of our lives and our leadership.