The older I get the more I value ‘true’ friendship. I probably always have valued this, but the older I have become the more I realise what a gift it is. So many adults I talk to feel the same. Its not that friendship was necessarily easier when we were younger but we did tend to have more time to hang out, less responsibilities, and were around people who are all actively pursuing friendship. As we get older our time is usually more pressed because of the increased responsibilities in our lives, and many people aren’t actively pursuing friendship – how many times have we heard the phrase “I don’t need any new friends” from someone in their 40’s and up?

Regardless of what age we are though a good friend or friends is vital. As I’ve been reading though the story of David we find that there were key friendships/relationships that helped him in his reign. If you’ve read the Bible you may have come across David’s friendship with Jonathan which is an incredible story. But the one that stuck out to me today as I was reading was his friendship with Joab. OK, so I can’t say for sure that they were friends but Joab was definitely someone who was loyal and fought for David throughout much of his reign.

There were a lot of things that Joab did for David, many of them were pretty difficult things to read about if I’m being honest. In many ways he looked like David’s ‘fixer’ – the guy who was sent in to sort out any issues David had with people. Some scholars believe he was very astute and political, and that all of his serving for the King was to further his own ends. I have no idea as to whether this is true or not but I want us to focus on an exchange between David and Joab that we find in 2 Samuel 19. It comes just after a battle that David’s men have fought against his son Absolom. Absolom has tried to take the throne for himself and as I’ve written about previously has sent David packing from the city. In the battle, due to some fortuitous circumstances Absolom is killed and David’s men win the victory.

However David is distraught because of the death of Absolom. He begins to grieve for him and the people grieve with him. What should have been a great victory became a moment of mourning. In fact we are told that the returning army ‘stole’ into the city that day like an army that was fleeing from an enemy. What should have been a great victory and a celebration salute became a funeral march.

In the middle of this Joab did something which was pretty risky given the kings state of mind. Whether it was political or out of compassion for the king we will never know but read what he did next.

Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now. 2 Samuel 19:5-7

This was real wisdom from Joab. David was lost, understandably, in the grief of losing his son, but if he had of continued in his grief without recognising the efforts of his men he would have had a disaster on his hands. We’re not told if David said anything back to Joab whether in that moment or in the days following but we are told what he did.

So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway, ” they all came before him…. 2 Samuel 19:8a

Although David responds favourably to Joab’s advice I can’t imagine that what Joab said was easy to hear. That’s sometimes how the words of a friend can be. They love you, they support you, they champion you, but a true friend will also be willing to the say the hard things when they need said. How many of us have friends like that around us? How many of us would truly like friends like that around us? How many of us are friends like that to others?