When I was younger I was under the impression that I needed someone to recognise my ability in order to feel secure, useful, gifted or needed. Whenever something called me out and recognised something in me I felt amazing. If I was acknowledged, mentioned, or promoted by someone l respected my level of belief and security rose.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being pleased about being recognised in this way but the immature conclusion I drew from all of that was that leading more would make me more secure.

How wrong was on that one?

The truth of the matter, that I’m guessing you all learnt a long time ago, is that leadership is a microscope. It, in and of itself, will not automatically fix or add anything to our character or competency. It will simply take anything that is already in us, draw attention to it, and tests us on it. Leading doesn’t bring more security but it will cause us to need more!

When I was reading the Bible today I saw this magnified insecurity play out in the life of king Saul as he watched David, the shepherd who was next in line for the throne. In chapter 18 of 1 Samuel we read a brief summary of David’s battle record.

Whatever mission Saul sent him on, David was so successful that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the troops, and Saul’s officers as well. 1 Samuel 18:5

This is a good situation for any leader. Saul should have been pleased with this situation. The person you have appointed and trusted to lead has been successful. This surely is the mark of a great leader. We are told that after returning from one of their missions the women came out from the towns to celebrate their victory.

As they danced, they sang:“Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” 1 Samuel 18:7

Was this song speaking the truth? We don’t know. Was the song sung to annoy Saul? Probably not, but it clearly did!

Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom? ” And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 1 Samuel 18:8-9

Jealousy had entered Sauls heart. His insecurity was showing and it was starting to transform into something incredibly destructive. We are told that from this moment an evil spirit from the Lord entered him and it is made clear that the Lord had departed from Saul. David was now his opponent.

When Saul realized that the LORD was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days. 1 Samuel 18:28-29

What happens from here until the end of Saul’s life is a campaign to kill David. He hunts and tracks him down across the country. David goes from someone who was appointed by Saul to carry out missions on his behalf to someone scorned and hated, all because of a seed of insecurity.

The consequences of not dealing with our insecurities are huge. We can’t allow that seed any light or water in our lives. I’d hope as leaders we don’t end up in the same place as Saul but his story is an example of what can happen us. Let the leadership microscope highlight what is in as and when we see it let’s invite the spirit to deal and heal us so we can walk into the fullness of what God has for us.