The pandemic that we have been walking through over the past while has caused us to live differently. The very fact that being close to people, being in gathered spaces etc. is a major cause of spreading, means we have all had to retreat and learn how to live in smaller ‘bubbles.’

Like all areas in our lives this has had a knock on effect in our faith. There have been advantages, yes, and perhaps I will write about those in time but in this post I want to focus on a more negative aspect. I want to focus on the knock on effect that not gathering as the church in community can have on us; it’s something that I believe cascades in stages and as time has gone on I am beginning to notice a few things.

These stages may not happen exactly in the sequence I have outlined here but I hope they might prove helpful in diagnosing some things we may been feeling.

Step 1 – Because we are meeting, talking, and listening to fewer people, coupled with the fact we have had little or no conversations over tea and coffee in services, smallgroups etc. means that our own ‘stuff’ becomes more magnified. We aren’t hearing what others are facing and because we already know what we are facing, our stuff gets more airtime and becomes more prominent.

Step 2 – This has an isolating effect on us. Because we are magnifying our situation and because we aren’t hearing what others are facing, we start to believe that we are the only one facing issues right now. We look on social media and see that others seem to be doing OK (because that’s what social media is for…) and so we feel more on our own.

Step 3 – Feeling like we are the only one facing ‘stuff’, we will begin to pull back from anything that could provide any sort of corporate connection because it feels too hard, and why would we want to tell anyone else our stuff, especially if their life is going well.

Step 4 – Because we have become ‘less visible’ we gradually stop hearing from the people that we would have more regularly heard from. Some long term friendships may be unaffected but as relational interactions require give and take, our reduced ‘giving’ means that we also will ‘take’ less from other relationships.

Step 5 – This reinforces our isolation and we can begin to build frustration and resentment because no one else is contacting us to see how we are really doing. We start to use phrases like; “Well, it’s clear they didn’t really care” or “it’s in moments like this we find out who our real friends are……” This can also increase the feeling of isolation.

Step 6 – We increasingly become our only counsel, and we only speak to people who reinforce our view. Because we aren’t talking to anyone else, or ‘showing up’ many places, we are inviting no other counsel into our life except our own, or a small, tightly knit group, who already know us, usually agree with us, and tend to challenge us less.

Step 7 – We continue to make more poor choices for our emotional and spiritual health. Because our own advice is our only outlet, because we are frustrated with others, we start to make choices that hurt us further. We increasingly remove ourselves from any community we did have, we stop engaging in any church activity, we might skip spending time with God and as a result our hearts begin to become more cynical. We now have few people to talk to, hardly anyone to pray with us, and we aren’t giving God space to minister to us.

Step 8 – We stop hearing testimonies of breakthrough or seeing opportunities to show compassion. This will have been happening before this but intensifies here. One of the major benefits of attending services/smallgroups/ministry events, virtually or in person, is that we get to hear how God is meeting with others. Every time we hear about how God is ministering in another’s life we receive prophetic hope for our own situation. Every time we hear of someone not getting breakthrough we feel compassion rise up and we are compelled to pray or to help. Each time we do this it de-magnifies our own circumstances.

Step 9 – If it hasn’t already occurred, we will start to base our relationship with God on our personal circumstances alone. Because our life is not working out the way we wanted it to, because it seems like other peoples’ lives are going OK, we get frustrated with God. We haven’t been tuning in to church services, smallgroup or anything like it, so we aren’t hearing anything beyond us, and instead start to personalise faith. When we have a ‘personal faith’ in this sense we usually are lead to a conclusion that if our circumstances are good, God is good and if our circumstances are bad, then so is God.

Step 10 – Our faith and hope diminish. We know that a relationship with God that is based on those principles are doomed to failure. Why? Because it isn’t a relationship at all. It’s a contract and a terrible contract. One that we have put nothing into and one that God never agreed to.

The good news is these steps are reversible; they may take time, but God is patient.