I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships and how we care for one another over the past couple of days. When it comes to caring and how we lean in with people especially in difficult or celebratory times in their life I’ve come to realise that there seems to be two kinds of people – consistents and responders

A consistent is someone who is the same regardless of the situation. When things are going well they are there (or not) and its things are going badly they are there (are not). Their frequency of engagement or level of connection doesn’t tend to increase or decrease based on the situation. They are who they have always been, for better or for worse!

A responder does the opposite. They tend to increase or decrease their engagement depending on the situation those around them are experiencing. In the big moments of our lives, both good and bad, they are usually there more than when life is motoring along on the level.

There are some great parts of each of these types but I just wanted to quickly highlight seem features of each type that might feel unhelpful.

Consistents	Responders
Can seem unmoved in a crisis/celebration	Can be attracted by a crisis/celebration
Rarely believe that they can truly help with the solution	Sometimes have a desire to be ‘the’ solution
Can be unaware of how being there helps people	Can make themselves too important in those moments
We can wonder if they care when we are experiencing one of these times	We can wonder if they really care about us or if they are more attracted to the moment.

Each of us will have a dominant type but as always with these things we will be a mixture of both. I am someone who is most definitely a consistent. I don’t think that being a consistent is any more noble than being a responder by the way, in fact in many ways I would like to be a little more like that because I am aware of how I have unintentionally hurt people by not being there in the big moments.

I definitely have more to explore here but thought I would post where I have got to in my thinking so far!